Thursday, March 29, 2012

You might be a farmer's wife...

Hooking up the PTO
A friend directed me to this terrific description of farm wives.  I'm actually a ranchwife, but this fits both.  The author, Jim McKeown,  is a professor at Dakota State University in Madison, SD.  He wrote this piece for his sister.  I think he wrote it for all of us women who live on the land.  I'll bet those of you who were raised on a farm/ranch or who are farmwives or ranchwives yourselves could add on to this list.  If you have time, would you post a few in the comments?  Enjoy!

You Might be a Farmer's Wife....
  • If your name is taped to the side of a cake pan:
  • If you call the implement dealer and he recognizes your voice:
  • If the vet’s number is on the speed dial of your phone:
  • If you know how to change the flat on your car, but can’t because the spare is on a flatbed:
  • If your second vehicle is still a pickup:
  • If the folks in the Emergency Room have a pool going for your kids and it involves the type of injury and when it will occur:
  • If your husband has ever used field equipment to maintain your yard:
  • If you’re in the habit of buying foodstuffs in bulk:
  • If a "night out" involves the local 4-H club:
  • If the word "auction" makes you tingle:
  • If you’ve ever washed your kids or the dishes with a pressure washer:
  • If "picking rock" is considered a chance to get out of the house:
  • If "wild game" reminds you of dinner and not the bedroom:
  • If "a little bit of lunch" involves 6 courses and a dessert made from scratch:
  • If the "fresh ingredients" your recipe calls for reminds you to do the chores:
  • If taking lunch to the field is as close as you get to a picnic:
  • If that pail with a hole in it is a flowerpot in the making:
  • If your rock garden was hand-picked:
  • If you can mend a pair of pants and the fence that ripped them:
  • If you’re on the lookout for new uses for "Jell-O":
  • If the shopping list in your purse includes the sizes of filters, tires, overalls, chains, belts, lights, cables, spark plugs or shotgun shells:
  • If "Farm", "Ranch", "Country", "Cowboy" or "Antique" is in the name of your favorite magazine:
  • If your tan lines are somewhere below your shoulder and above your elbow:
  • If "Lacey" or "Frilly" refers to a farm animal but not your nightgown:
  • If you ever went on a date to the rodeo:
  • If you’ve ever been grateful for fingernail polish, because it hides the dirt under your nails:
  • If you’ve ever called your husband to supper, using a radio:
  • If you buy antiques because they match the rest of your furniture:
  • If being taken out to dinner has ever included a talk by a seed corn dealer:
  • If your driveway is longer than a stone’s throw:
  • If your mailbox looks like a piece of farm machinery:
  • If your kids’ wading pool has ever doubled as a stock tank, or vice versa:
  • If the daily paper is always a day late:
  • If you have a yard, but not a lawn:
  • If you have lots of machinery and each piece is worth more than your house:
  • If the leaky barn roof gets fixed, before the leaky house roof:
  • If duct tape is always on your shopping list:
  • If the neighbor’s house is best viewed with binoculars:
  • If the directions to your house include the words, "miles," "silos," "last," or "gravel road":
  • If the tractor and the combine have air conditioning and an FM radio but your car doesn’t:
  • If your storage shed is a barn:
  • If you measure travel in miles not minutes:
  • If your farm equipment has the latest global positioning technology and you still can’t find your husband:
  • If you consider "hot dish" a food group:
  • If your husband says, "Can you help me for a few minutes?" and you know that might be anywhere from a few minutes to six hours:
  • If you plan your vacations around farm shows:
  • If Zaa Zaa Gabor is on your list of "Most Admired Persons":
  • If grass stains are the least of your laundry problems:
  • If your refrigerator contains medicine, livestock medicine:
  • If your car’s color is two-toned and one color is gravel road brown:
  • If you knew everyone in your high school:
  • If you’ve ever grown your own wall decorations:
  • If you’ve entertained the romantic notion of living in an old, country farmhouse with a fireplace, but gave it up because firsthand experience tells you that it’s cold, drafty, smoky and sooty:
  • If you use newspapers to help keep the kitchen floor clean:
  • If you’ve ever said, "Oh, it’s only a little mud.":
  • If you need a pair of vice grips to run a household appliance:
  • If your husband gave you flowers, but you had to plant the seeds yourself:
  • If you've used the loader to reach the windows when they needed washing:
  • If you’ve ever used a broom to shoo a critter:
  • If you’ve ever discovered a batch of kittens in your laundry basket:
  • If dinner is at noon and lunch is before and after dinner:
  • If you don't need the recipe to make Rice Krispies bars:
  • If you shovel the sidewalk, with a skidsteer loader:
  • If you can find a use for that old tractor seat:
  • If you've ever found mice in the underwear drawer:
  • If quality time with your hubby means you'll have a flashlight in one hand and a wrench in the other:
  • If you know the difference between field corn and sweet corn:
  • If you buy your husband's "dress" socks at Campbell's Supply:
  • If family "pets" include deer, coons, squirrels, foxes or birds:
  • If you can make a meal that can be ready in six minutes and will still be ready in two hours:
  • If your basement is really a cellar:
  • If "sharing a cab" has nothing to do with a taxi and everything to do with getting across the field:
  • If your job in town is considered a farm subsidy:

14 comments:

  1. loved this list although I'm actually the farmer, no longer the wife.

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  2. This is all a mystery to this suburbanite, but fun to read.

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  3. Oh how funny! I have had the best of both worlds a farmers daughter and a cowboy's wife...I can relate to most of the list. Cute made me smile this morning. Thanks for the post.

    ~M~

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  4. That is great! I might have to share it with the girls that live on a farm in B.C.

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  5. That is so funny, and really my favorite date is still the farm supply store and looking at the new styles of rubber boots and new tractor parts. :)

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  6. Oh, those are good Jody ;)! I spent a lot of time on my dad's 'hobby farm' (in the river, on horses, shooting 22's, etc.) and on hunting trips (in the river, on horses, & shooting 22's ;) when I was young, so I found a few of those that fit me too -- or have at some point in my life. Like 'wild game' definitely means food to me, and directions to our place included things like, 'turn left at the cattle guard, go past windmill. . .'. I also remember an old dead mesquite tree between the house and barn where my dad and the hand would throw dead rattlesnakes they'd shot. Funny, I remember thinking, 'hmmmm', but not really being bothered by it. Guess all that country life makes one philosophical (as my mom used to say) about such things ^v^.
    ♥,
    G

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  7. This is great! (And so true!!!) I am passing the link along to several of my friends and family who also meet this description. :)

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  8. I fit part of the list. We even have some sort of critter living in our porch soffit. I wouldn't call him a pet though -- especially not when it wakes us up multiple times through the night :oS. I know my mother-in-love can completely identify though!

    Blessings!
    Deborah

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  9. This was great! I can relate to most of them, especially the meal that can be ready in six minutes and still be ready in two hours. And tonight I said, "I've lived on the farm for 40 plus years and still can't get used to eating supper so late."

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  10. Oh this is too funny! Love the two tone car comment one being it is dirty! Ha Ha......the other one "If your refrigerator contains medicine, livestock medicine"...town people think we are nuts for having this in with people food.....thank you needed this little laugh!!1

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  11. This sort of frightens me actually...down to the bit about the newspaper on the floor!

    ...when your husband has compared you to a cow when talking with the Dr about your pregnancy (not being mean or funny)...

    ...going to the city means packing a cooler with lunch...

    ...a calf in the kitchen/back entrance isn't super weird...

    ...you don't get daily mail...

    ...you ask any ol neighbour to pick up diapers for you in the city...

    ...a meal to the field is a highlight for the kids to get out of the house...

    ...dating was shooting coyotes together on Sunday afternoons...

    ...first mortgage payment was made with the furs of those coyotes...

    This is bad!!!!

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  12. LOL, oh my gosh. Well I am not a farm wife :-) xox Clarice

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  13. I love this! I come from a line of farmers, and so many of these really ring true.

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  14. How fun! I think we've fit in quite a bit of these :)

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